Diplomacy starts at breakfast. We’d live in a much better world if we could accept other nations’ concepts of breakfast. After chowing down on someone else’s idea of good meal, we could attempt to tackle heavier differences of opinion.

Most Europeans think peanut butter is disgusting. Americans look with suspicion as Brits spread Marmite on their toast, even though we have no idea what it is. The Brits look at Vegemite, the Aussie analog, as a weak substitute for the “real” thing. We sneer across the ocean at each other like we’re smearing excrement on our breakfast, and I gotta say: don’t be hatin’. It’s only a toast spread.

Australia vs. England

An Aussie gave me a tube of Vegemite on my bike tour this past summer. (Thanks, David!) They pack it in convenient tubes so travelling Aussies can spread the love overseas. Of all the Americans David shared this tube with, I was the only one who liked it.

Curiously, we had two Brits on the bike tour. When I asked them if how Marmite was different from Vegemite, they acted as though it was vastly different. Is it? I had to see. I picked up a jar at the local Cost Plus World Market to find out.

They’re both yeast extract pastes made from the spent sludge that settles out during the beer brewing process. Brewer’s yeast is high in vitamin B, so these pastes were marketed as a nutritional flavor supplement in the famished years of the Big Wars. For a traditionally flavor-challenged cuisine like England’s, I’m not surprised this markedly improved palatability. [ed - oh, I’m sorry, I was supposed to be diplomatic]

Texture wise, think brown wallpaper paste. Flavor wise, think really salty brown wallpaper paste. Vegemite isn’t quite as strong, that’s true. It doesn’t leave stinging salty welts on my tongue like Marmite. Vegemite includes malt extract, so it has a rounder, mild malty sweetness that I prefer.

As if to prove that even bad press is good press, the Marmite company has two separate websites for both lovers and haters of its product. There are links to fan websites like the Marmite FAQ, which show photos like this. I’m speaking as an American again, and this is just wrong:

Photo courtesy the Marmite FAQ

The Vegemite website admits that their product took almost 15 years to gain acceptance in Australia. When you’re pitching one brand of dead yeast paste against another, these things take time.

I figure I’ve done my small part for global diplomacy already. First, I introduced Gurlfren to natto, and she loves the stuff. Now, I’ve adopted Vegemite into my breakfast repetoire. Some foreign born person walks the streets of America right now, waiting to try grits for the first time. Don’t screw it up by taking them to Denny’s. Make it with love, butter, and little bit of good cheese, and spread the joy of a uniquely American breakfast food.