Ride more, eat more. Then eat some more. Lose weight anyway.

We ate in more than a few shitty restaurants during our trip and I was happy about it. Not about the mediocrity of the meal, but that after a 10 hour ride, I was seated on something other than a bicycle saddle, and clutching silverware instead of handlebars. We expended something like 5000 calories a day during this trip, and the need to eat settled in quickly after the need to peel off salt crusted riding clothes and take a bracing shower.

Prior to the trip, I researched places to eat in as many of the stayover towns as possible. I naively figured that after a long day on the bike that I’d be willing to ride a short way from the hotel for food that was worth it. [ed - We did not have access to cars, just our bikes]. I mean, after 100 miles, what’s another 5, right? Wrong. Asheville, NC has a slew of great restaurants. We ate in the chain BBQ joint directly across from our motel, cuz there was no way in hell I was going to pedal back up the hill we just rode down.

It had all the hallmarks of mediocre corporate `cue: no smoke smell at all as we approached it; a “waiter wanted” sign in the front door; faux country decor; young underexperienced waitress who didn’t know if the pork dinner was pulled, choppped, or sliced. You get the picture. Ordinarily, I’d have turned around running at the lack of smoke leaving the chimney. On that day, I was glad to be eating. Pass the mustard sauce.

One entree was seldom enough. As the trip wore on, I’d add a second dinner. So after soup, a large burger cooked to perfect rosy rare, a large side of fries, and a pint of microbrew, I ordered a plate of steamed mussels and another pint. This was after a heavy breakfast, and stuffing my face throughout the day so I wouldn’t bonk during the ride.

You’d think pro football players eat alot. They’d be put to shame by a group of scrawny ass cyclists.

Eat ye not so much and shed thine middle-aged beer gut and flabby manboobs.

This I acheived by late June, by throttling down my voracious eating habit and riding my bike every day in preparation for the East Coast death march on bikes. On many nights, my dinner at work consisted of microwaved broccoli with salt and pepper. You wondered why I wasn’t writing about food on this blog?
“I nuked some broccoli tonight… and last night… but the night before that I melted some brie on top and it was better…”

Though I’d signed on last December for this two week tour that averaged over 100 miles of hilly riding every day, the daunting reality that, “gee, I really haven’t ridden that much over the last decade and maybe I oughta lose some weight for this thing” hadn’t really set in until March. With some diligent effort, I actually managed to drop 20 pounds before I left for the ride in July.

Eat less, ride more. Lose weight.

What’s the most physcially demanding thing you’ve ever done? For some it’s birthing a child. Others, maybe it’s running a marathon. For me, it’s this bike trip I’ve been on for the past week, riding across the Eastern United States from Atlanta to Maine. Today, we finished a 135 mile ride in the hilly farmlands of cental Pennsylvania. Tomorrow’s ride is shorter at 90 miles, but includes more climbing.

We’re about halfway along our 2 week trip and each day that doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Or so I tell myself as I suck wind climbing up the hills the torment us ceaselessly like the late night TV commercials for the Ab Lounge. On the other hand, I’ve been eating like a pig every day to take in enough nutrition to recuperate. What have I been eating? Well, we’re staying in small town motels with very few quality food options. Buffet restaurants. Fast food. Nothing remotely “nutritious” nor delicious. Nor do I care. After a 100 +mile ride, I need calories, it almost doesn’t matter where it comes from. I’d eat the grass in the parking lot if I thought it’d carry me through until dinner. So no exciting food photos, no tasty missives from the hinterlands of the East coast.

With any luck, I’ll have more to write about after the bike ride is done and we start a foodcentric tour of New England. Lobsters. Clam shacks. The legendary pizzas of New Haven, Connecticut. Stay tuned. Food will return to this blog, I promise.

A shout out to my friends in Austin, TX who took time to call me last night while they were on a brief death march through the woods at 1 am. They are training for an extended three day adventure race in May which entails mountain biking, hiking, climbing, rappelling, kayaking, spelunking through bat infested caverns, macramè, a written essay, and who knows what else, all with no sleep. FOR THREE CONTINUOUS DAYS.

So sometime in their 12 hour overnight practice run last night, Marlene calls to ask how I’m doing. How I’m doing, while they’re hiking dark trails strewn with rocks the size of babyheads in 40 degree, pissing down rain.

“Well, my lazy ass is reclined on the couch watching the Live Links commercial for the umpteenth time on Court TV, thanks for asking.”

I then hear Beth in the background holler, “UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!” So I dedicate this last entry to you, my team of superheroes. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you need a team mate for the essay question.