This story also appears in the OC Weekly

This week’s recipe goes out to disgraced ex-Orange County Sheriff Mike Carona, who began serving a five-and-half-year prison sentence yesterday in the minimum-security federal pen in Littleton, Colorado. Since prison will present Carona so much time and so few outlets for cooking, here’s something to try once he unpacks the bags and sorts out the sock drawer.

Sure, it’s illegal to brew alcohol in prison. But when has “illegal” stopped Carona before?

It’s easy to brew alcohol, Mike. Just fill an open container with a sweet liquid such as apple or orange juice, leave it in a warm place near an open window for a week, and voila! Hooch. Wild yeast spores in the air will find their way into the juice, and nature will have its way with it, much like you had with the public’s trust.

Archaeologists believe spontaneous fermentation was employed by the ancient Babylonians and Egyptians who first discovered brewing. Vessels with bread scraps were filled with water, and the mash began to ferment. If the ancient Egyptians can brew with nothing more than a clay pot and some coarse bread, so can you.

For everyone else reading along: Uncontrolled fermentation can produce unpredictable and dangerous results if unwanted bacteria colonies set up camp in your brew before the desirable yeasts do. We’re talking about severe gastric distress or death, so don’t try this at home, underage kids.

Since spontaneous fermentation is sketchy, and smuggling commercial yeast into prison is forbidden, it’s better if you surreptitiously cultivate your own culture of wild yeast and use it for a more reliable fermentation. Chef Nancy Silverton offers a method to start a wild yeast culture in her book Breads From the La Brea Bakery. Take fresh grapes (organic, if possible), crush them coarsely into a jar, and the natural yeast on the grape skin will start to ferment the sweet juice. Surely you can get organic grapes in Club Fed?

Maybe I’m overestimating the comfort level you’ll enjoy in the Littleton lockup, Mike. If it turns out that conditions resemble the harsh Central Jail you used to run in Santa Ana, then you might want to follow the “prison rules” recipes outlined by Steve, one of the first and funniest food bloggers, of The Sneeze. Crazy bastard that he is, Steve actually made two batches of pruno and blogged it.

Steve quotes Jim Hogshire’s book You Are Going to Prison

“Prison hooch can be made in your cell toilet (as long as you don’t mind using other people’s toilets or finding some other solution), or more often, in plastic trash bags. The recipe is simple: make a strong bag by double or triple-bagging some plastic trash bags and knotting the bottoms. Into this, pour warm water, some fruit or fruit juice, raisins or tomatoes, yeast, and as much sugar as you can get ahold of (or powdered drink mix). Now tie off the top of the bag, letting a tube of some kind protrude so the thing won’t explode while it gives off carbon
dioxide. Now hide the bag somewhere and wait at least three days. A
week is enough.“

Here’s another method using a jug and a rubber balloon as an airlock, which lets out the carbon dioxide safely without letting in the unwanted microflora. Filter the brew through a sock, and enjoy.

Making alcohol is easy. Making tasty alcohol is not. Let us know how your pruno works out, inmate # 45335-112.Who knows? If you get good over the next five years, you might have a new career upon your release. That small blot of a felony conviction when you approach the state’s Alcoholic Beverage Control board? Nothing a little bribery can’t fix, Mike. Better luck on that next time.

This post also appears in the OC Weekly.

Like my taste for big-haired blond women (thanks, Charlie’s Angels!), my pizza opinions were formed during childhood in the 1970′s. I grew up eating pizza in New York City, which indelibly marked me for my preference for a medium-thin, crisp crust with only a little breadiness. Why pay a lot for passable-but-not-great New York pizza in Orange County when you can make a better pizza yourself?

This week, I’ll share some tips and background techniques to make a great thin crust pizza.

One of the most important reminders is to weigh your ingredients. A kitchen scale is the best investment you can make in becoming a better baker. Measurements by volume can vary wildly–a scooped cup of flour can weigh anywhere from 4 ounces to 6 ounces, depending on who’s doing the scooping. And if you like thin-crust pizza like me, the dough should be wet. A “loose” or “wet” dough will stretch out thin without tearing. It also gives the yeast a moister environment to ferment and multiply. A drier dough will spring back into a ball like a tense, knotted muscle, and will not stretch thin without tearing.

Properly wet dough stretches thin enough to "windowpane"

The recipe below uses a tiny amount of yeast, and rises slowly overnight in the refrigerator. Cooler, longer fermentation creates better flavor. Slow fermentation of the dough adds complex flavor to the dough and brings out the wheaty character of the flour. The recipe needs a night in the fridge at least, but remains usable for up to three days without overproofing.

If you want a fast-rising recipe that’ll be ready in 45 minutes, use 3/4 teaspoon of yeast and let the dough rise, covered with an inverted bowl, at room temperature. You can also knead this dough for 2 minutes in a food processor or a stand mixer, but I do it by hand because I don’t own them, and I like to feel what the dough is doing.

Ingredients

Yield: 4 thin crust 8″ pizzas

20 oz. all purpose flour (1 cup = about 4.6 oz)
12 oz. water (70-90 degree F) water
2 teaspoons sea salt
2 Tablespoon (generous) olive oil or 1 oz by weight
1/4 teaspoon instant yeast* (find this at Smart & Final)
1 Tablespoon malt syrup (optional)

*Note about instant yeast: I prefer using instant yeast because it’s more potent than the more common active dry yeast. Instant’s smaller grains don’t need to be proofed in warm water prior to use. If you are using active dry yeast, use the same amount, but proof the yeast in the water first.

Preparation

1. Dissolve the optional malt syrup in the warm water. If using active dry yeast, add it now, and allow to proof for 5 minutes.
2. Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl.
3. Add olive oil into flour mixture, and combine with fingers until oil is absorbed evenly into the flour.
4. Add the water into the flour mixture all at once, and stir with a rubber spatula until the water is mostly absorbed. You may have spots of dry flour, that’s ok.
5. Leave the dough alone for 5 minutes, and allow the flour to absorb the water.
6. Knead the dough for 1-2 minutes, until it’s evenly textured. It should be on the wet side, somewhat tacky but not overly sticky. If it’s too wet, add 1 tablespoon of flour at a time until it’s manageable.
7. Divide the dough into 4 even pieces.
8. Roll the dough into a smooth ball, pulling the skin of the dough tightly and pinching the seam that forms during the forming process.
9. Place the dough into a lightly oiled container, such as plastic wares, or a zipper lock plastic bag.
10. Place in the fridge overnight to proof slowly. Allow it proof overnight, up to three days.

Next week, we move on to oven technique to yield a great, crisp-crusted pizza…

Asian pears at UC Irvine farmer's market

This story also appears on the OC Weekly food blog.

If you’ve been to our local farmer’s markets in the past three weeks, you’ll have noticed that Asian pears have arrived. As with the apples they closely resemble, the new crop is packed with lightly sweet nectar. Their firm crunch adds a great texture to a cheese sandwich, and the sweetness is a nice counter to the lightly salty, slightly lactic tang of an aged cheese. This week, here’s a few ideas for making killer grilled cheese sandwiches.

Grilled cheese is easy enough that a child can make it, yet sophisticated enough that high end restaurants like Campanile dedicate one dinner a week to them, and a food truck built its entire business around it.  You already know how to make grilled cheese, so today’s post is not so much a recipe, but a few ideas to consider.

1. Shred semi-soft cheeses yourself so they melt quickly. Avoid pre-shredded cheeses. While convenient, pre-shredded cheeses contain anti-clumping agents. For the same reason they keep shreds from sticking together in the package, they also don’t melt as well when you want them to. Use a box grater and shred your own cheeses.

2. Try a sandwich with a crispy Parmigiano-Reggiano crust on the outside. Mario Batali correctly calls Parmigiano the king of all cheeses.  The  imported stuff definitely tastes more distinctive than domestic Parmesan. The real deal will have the words Parmiggiano-Reggiano hot stamped into the wax shell of the cheese wheel.

3. Use whatever bread you prefer, but I like a white bread with pull and texture for this gig. Instead of regular, squishy white  bread, I use a Pullman loaf white bread, that perfectly square loaf that used to be popular before the 1950′s and the advent of Wonder bread. It’s still found at Japanese, Taiwanese, Chinese and Korean bakeries. You might also see it called by its French name, pain de mie. Buy yours at Cream Pan, Diho Bakery, 99 Ranch, JJ Bakery, 85C Bakery, J Sweet Bakery, Mitsuwa, Marukai, Ebisu, Freshia, or other Asian bakeries and supermarkets.

Ingredients:
One Asian pear, peeled and sliced into 1/8″ thick slices
Bread, such as a pullman style white bread
Easy melting semi-soft cheese, like Brie, Muenster, Jack or Fontina. If using a mildly flavored melty cheese, consider adding a second, more sharply flavored soft cheese like chevre, blue cheese, Raclette or Morbier for a deeper cheese funk.
Parmigiano-Reggiano, for crusting on the outside of the sandwich
Butter

1. Peel the Asian pear with a vegetable peeler – the skins are thicker and more fibrous than apple skins. Cut into 1/8″ thick round slices, cutting north pole to south pole.
2. Preheat a nonstick pan over medium-low heat.  It’s much easier to make the Parmigiano crust with a non-stick pan. A too-low heat is better than too-high heat.
3. Lightly spread some butter on the outside of the bread and lay it on the pan. Sprinkle melting cheese inside the bread,  a slice of Asian pear, more cheese, and another slice of bread.
4. After four of five minutes, the soft cheese should start melting. Lift the sandwich up, and sprinkle some Parmigiano in a thin layer in the middle of the pan. Flip your sandwich over, then lay the uncooked side on top of the Parmigiano.
5. After another four minutes, the Parmigiano should be toasty and crisp. Scrape under the cheese crust with a spatula, lift the sandwich, then repeat the Parmigiano step on the other side.

I had the chance to teach grilled pizzas in front of the crowd at The Meet: Blues, Brews and BBQ contest this weekend. To share the stage with two renowned chefs like Ray “Dr. BBQ” Lampe and California champion Brent Walton of the QN4U teamis a great honor, and ton of fun. I had a great time all week hanging out with both of them.

Thanks to everyone who came out to watch the show. I’ll write a little bit more about this event after I’ve made it home, but wanted to get my pizza dough recipe posted for anyone who was interested.